CHAPTER 1
Its been a month since I lost my dad to a car accident, its still hard for me to accept he is gone. I dont think I have ever felt so much pain in my life, at this point it feels like everything is at a stand still. People think because you are at work doing things that means you are ok, someone recently asked me if I had gotten over my dad's death. I didnt know whether to get angry or just stay silent, its not something you get over but something you learn to live with. I miss him everyday of my life and it gets worse as the days go by, I pray that someday I will find the solace I seek so desperately.
CHAPTER 2
After daddy's burial I thought maybe things would get better and the pain would be easier to deal with, found out reverse is the case.
With every passing moment I feel his absence,everywhere I turn I see him walking towards me.
My friend (who lost her dad last year )says this is the time you will remember where he would usually be at any given time,this is so true.
I know the exact times he goes for his stroll around the house, the exact time he reads in his study, the exact time he goes into the room to watch CNN.
I recently put my foot into one of his shoes and the feeling of sadness and loss was so overwhelming and then the tears started to flow.
Its a sad thing when you know that is the closest you would ever get to that person forever.
This may sound weird but sometimes I smell his clothes just to inhale his scent it makes me feel closer to him, I wish I had more to remember him by other than just pictures.
I so long to hear his voice, sometimes I fear as the years go by I would forget what his voice sounds like
I get really sad thinking of all the moments he is going to miss
Me getting my first real job and helping out with the bills
Him walking me down the aisle on my wedding day (never in my life did I ever think or imagine my brother would be the one walking me down the aisle)
The birth of my first child (my childhood were my best moments, I was looking forward to re-living those moments through my children. Daddy would have made the best grandpa ever, he loved kids and in return they loved him)
I went home last week to kyado (with my mother and brothers) to visit daddy's grave, I wanted to see his resting place for the first time without the circus(burial ceremony).
At first I didnt feel a thing just numbness,I don't know if this is normal or strange.
It was later that night that the the tears came, everything had just changed
normally when daddy came home alot of people came around to say hello now the whole place was just quite almost like a grave yard.
I cried myself to sleep it was just too painful to be back home and feel empty instead of having that sense of peace and belonging .
